32 Years—What I've Learned So Far
At 32 years old, I’m more raw chunk of marble than statue.
But little by little, I’m chipping away to reveal what’s underneath.
What follows is a list of reminders, ideas, and lessons—the stuff I’ve learned in the process.
They’re mostly notes to myself, but maybe you’ll find them useful too.
Being an adult is less about knowing things and more about being able to figure things out.
School is the only place where it’s more valuable to know the chemical formula for water than how to find it in the woods.
Whoever said ‘blood is thicker than water’ didn’t have shitty family members.
Life is too short to spend time with people you don’t like—whether they share your last name or not.
Do I like this person? Does he treat me well? Do I feel happy after spending time with him? Those are the questions you should be asking when deciding with whom you’ll spend your time.
When you find a product you love—like socks or underwear—buy a bunch and stick them in a closet for later.
It's a gift to your future self and an insurance policy against the product being discontinued.
Take a backpacking trip once or twice a year.
It’s a good reminder of how easy your life is. It also cultivates gratitude and perspective.
If everyone is in control, no one is in control.
It doesn’t matter if you’re cooking a meal, building an Ikea bookshelf, or navigating a new city on a family vacation. One person needs to be in charge.
Without a designated leader, nobody takes ownership and steps get missed. You forget to add the garlic. You don’t secure the shelf. You end up in the wrong neighborhood on the wrong side of town.
Have unpredictable opinions.
If somebody can guess your opinion on a topic by knowing how you feel about a different topic, you’re not an independent thinker.
Most people are cowards. Plan accordingly.
History says this is true.
How many Hutus protected Tutsis during the Rwandan genocide? Not many.
Same goes for non-Jewish Germans during WWII.
You can always find exceptions, but most people won’t risk their ass to save yours.
I’m not saying this is good or bad. I’m just saying it’s true. And I think you can make better decisions when you view the world through this lens.
It's better to be early and waste your time than late and waste someone else's.
Plus, if you always have a book with you, you won't be wasting your time.
Keep a story log.
Every night, write down one story from your day.
The more you want to have a good story, the more you'll do things that result in a good story. And that's what makes an interesting life.
Be the first in the pool and the first on the dance floor.
Fun times like these are few and far between. Don't waste a moment. Plus, the sooner someone breaks the ice, the sooner everyone else joins.
Being a parent is something you must experience to understand.
Somebody could explain flying in an airplane, and you'd basically get it. Somebody could explain standing on top of a mountain, and you'd pretty much understand. Somebody could explain what it's like to play in the NBA, and you’d more or less grasp the experience.
But nobody can explain the amount of time it takes to care for a child. They can't explain the frustration you feel at four in the morning after a sleepless night. They can't explain the happiness you feel when your daughter says “da da” and gives you a hug. And they can't explain the vulnerability you feel while watching your heart run around outside your body.
They can try to explain, but you won't understand. At least I didn't until I lived it.
Drink the good coffee first.
I love trying new coffee, so I end up with lots of rejects occupying my kitchen cabinets.
I used to force myself to drink the bad stuff first, delaying the gratification of enjoying my Starbucks French Roast.
But then I realized something. I could step off the curb tomorrow and get crushed by a bus. And if the last coffee I drank was some subpar roast because I was delaying gratification, that would be a shame.
Discipline and delayed gratification have improved my life immeasurably. But when it comes to a 50 cent cup of coffee, they shouldn’t factor into the decision.
Sympathy is a useless emotion.
Feeling bad for someone does nothing for that person. It only makes you feel better about yourself.
You know what is useful? A simple acknowledgment and a gesture of support.
Something like, "I know you're going through a hard time, and I'm thinking about you. Want to [insert activity that person enjoys] together?”
The last thing somebody needs when they’re struggling is to comfort your discomfort for them.
Risk is the gap between average and exceptional.
The key to getting ahead is taking risks. And the key to taking risks is protecting your downside.
Parenting is both harder and easier than I thought it would be.
It’s harder because it’s constant.
You’re always on call. You never get a break. You can be doing the easiest thing in the world, but if you have to do it 24/7, it becomes a chore. And parenting is far from the easiest thing in the world.
It’s easier because it comes naturally.
Before having kids, I always worried about raising an asshole. I worried I wouldn’t know how to teach my child to be a good person. But after a year of watching my daughter, I realized it’s actually pretty easy. Kids copy everything you do. If you want them to be good people, you just have to be a good example and set up guard rails to keep them on the road.
Make sure the sink works before putting soap on your hands.
You can take that one literally or figuratively. It’s useful both ways.
Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash
