What People Don't Understand About Success
In high school, I was voted Most Likely to Succeed.
At the time, it felt like an honor. Thinking back on it now, I have to laugh.
Most Likely to Succeed? At what?
Most teenagers define success as a high paying job. I know that’s how I thought of it.
How do high school seniors predict who will be rich? They look to the report card.
Through that lens, my Most Likely To Succeed title made sense.
But ten years later, both the definition of success and the indicators used to predict it, seem misplaced at best.
An alternative definition of success
One of my favorite definitions of success comes from John Wooden. He says:
“Success is peace of mind that is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.”
By that definition, success is different for everyone.
Success is knowing your potential and working hard every day to reach it. Then being happy you did.
If we’re using Wooden’s definition, then grades are not the right indicator. Persistence is. So is determination, resilience, grit – even happiness.
The kid who had high grades but didn’t work for them isn’t guaranteed future accomplishments. Much like the lazy high school basketball star won’t be a future first round draft pick.
Standing out in high school is easy if you have good reading comprehension and a head for numbers. It’s easy if you’re coordinated and slightly stronger than your classmates. If you have the natural maturity of a 20-year-old, you’ll look like Leonardo DiCaprio in a room full of Jonah Hills.
But after high school, people start to catch up.
Your ability to skim the textbook and ace the quiz won’t be the same when good grades require in depth analysis. You won’t throw off a defender with a head fake or back down a forward with the same ease – his hours in the weight room overshadow your natural talent. When the other guys put in the time to learn what women like, you’re no longer top dog in the hallways, you’re just another creep spitting pickup lines in a bar.
My definition of success
John Wooden’s definition taught me success is different for everyone. Ten years of post-high-school life experience taught me money isn’t the only metric.
I define success as the intersection of happiness and financial self-sustenance.
If you have things that bring joy and you can meet your basic needs, you’re successful.
To reach success, first deconstruct the definition, then figure out how to tackle each part.
What are my needs?
Starting with the obvious, you need food, clothing, and shelter. Maybe you’re content with rice and beans, Hanes tee shirts, and a tiny house.
Or maybe you like steak, Brooks Brothers, and a sprawling estate on the water.
Most of us will find ourselves somewhere in between.
We need a comfortable apartment or a reasonable house.
We want a balanced diet. And we want comfortable, functional, and presentable clothing.
We also want health insurance, savings for retirement, and enough in the bank to cover everyday emergencies.
Before the internet trolls start saying, “well, actually…” I fully understand some of these things aren’t needs. But let’s be realistic, everyone has a basic quality of life they want to live. Planning for success requires defining that life and figuring out how you’ll pay for it.
What makes me happy?
As important as financial security, you need to figure out what makes you happy before you can be successful.
Happiness for me means daily exercise, quality interaction with friends and loved ones, a short commute, working on things I find challenging and interesting, and quiet time to reflect.
For you it might be story time with your kids, date night with your wife, a few vacations each year, and time to read every day.
Everyone draws happiness from different sources.
As Naval Ravikant said, “I don’t care whether you’re a top Wall Street banker. If somebody has to tell you when to be at work, what to wear, and how to behave, you’re not a free person. You’re not actually rich.”
Naval draws happiness from freedom.
Happiness is different for everyone. It directly contributes to success in that the more happiness you have, the more successful you are.
How happiness and self-sustenance combine
Happiness and self-sustenance don't have to be in perfect balance. But if you want to be successful, neither quality can be absent.
And neither quality can be too extreme for too long.
If you’re an accounting associate studying for the CPA exam, your happiness won’t be exceptionally high. But you’re sprinting toward an outcome where your self-sustenance will be met. When you pass the test, the pendulum can swing in the other direction, and you can focus on more of the things that make you happy.
If you’re a college student on spring break, your happiness level is at an all time high. Self-sustenance…not so much.
Both individuals might be successful if you zoom out for more context. At different points in our lives we will prioritize happiness over self-sustenance or self-sustenance over happiness. Successful people let the pendulum swing while working toward their ideal balance.
What people don’t understand
What’s most important about success, and the thing many people don’t understand, is that it’s subjective. It isn’t my place to determine if you’re successful.
You can use my definition to figure it out for yourself.
Can you meet your financial needs? Are you happy? If you answer yes to those questions, you’re successful. But the yardsticks measuring the components can only be calibrated by you.
Much like beauty is in the eye of the beholder, success is in the eye of the subject.
Jumping back to the high school paradigm, my classmates were half right. I had good grades. I graduated second in the class, and that suggested future financial success. Earning those grades took discipline, hard work, intelligence, and patience – all qualities that transfer to advancement in the working world and the ability to self-sustain financially.
But they missed the other half of the equation. Not only is happiness harder to predict – most people don’t even think of it as a metric.
I must admit I’m biased, but my classmates were right. I am successful.
I make enough money to cover my basic needs and save for the future. I’m also exceptionally happy – I have an amazing girlfriend, supportive family, close friends, my health, and the opportunity to work on challenging hobbies I enjoy very much.
But most of my classmates are successful as well. They’re financially self-sufficient and have many sources of happiness. I can’t think of a better way to measure success.
