Finding Internal Happiness
I hope quarantine continues forever.
I’ll explain why, but first, a story about Tiger Woods.
It was a summer day in 1996 and Tiger was facing Steve Scott in the final round of the US Amateur Championship. The format was two rounds of 18 holes. After the first round, Tiger trailed Scott by five in match play.
As far as Tiger was concerned the only important part of life was golf. He spent the break working on his posture with his swing coach and his mindset with his psychologist. As far as Scott was concerned, he wanted to win but knew golf was simply one piece of a full life. He spent the break at the gift shop with his caddie – his girlfriend and future wife.
Tiger entered the final round like a shark smelling blood in the water and quickly cut Scott’s lead to two. By the 16th hole, Scott was still clinging to his two-point lead. Both players were on the green, but Scott was away. Tiger’s ball was blocking Scott’s line, so Tiger moved his mark, Scott sank the putt, and Tiger lined up for his own. As Scott was walking off the green, he realized Tiger hadn’t moved his ball back to its original spot and quickly asked, “Hey, Tiger, did you move that back?”
Without a thank you, a nod, or any acknowledgement whatsoever, Tiger moved his ball to the correct spot and sank the putt to win the hole.
If Scott remained silent, Tiger would’ve taken a penalty, lost the hole, and been down three with two holes to play, automatically losing the match. Instead, Scott did the right thing and ended up losing in a sudden death playoff.
“I was 19 years old at the time,” said Scott. “I could’ve very easily done something different, but I guess my parents raised me right. In every other sport, you wait for the referee to throw a flag, but in golf it’s the right thing to do. That moment will live with me forever. It’s something I’m very proud of.”
When you have internal happiness, you don’t rely on external events to make you happy. You aren’t tied to outcomes – you’re busy enjoying the process. Scott had internal happiness, so it was easy to do the right thing.
It took 20 years for Tiger to acknowledge Scott’s actions that day. Many other important events unfolded for both men during those 20 years. Scott went on to be a three time All American at the University of Florida. He turned pro in 1999 – the same year he and his caddie, Kristi Hommel, got married. Five years later, Scott left the tour to raise his kids. He became the club pro at a course near New York City and built a wonderful life with his wife and children.
In one of my favorite quotes from a recent biography of Tiger Woods, Scott summed up the tournament and his outlook on life: “We really started Team Scott at the US Amateur at Pumpkin Ridge. We’ve gone on to have a great life. I think I’m walking proof that you can win in life without winning.”
Contrast this with Tiger who turned pro in 1996. He held the rank of #1 golfer in the world from August 1999 to September 2004 (264 weeks) and again from June 2005 to October 2010 (281 weeks). He won 15 majors and became the first professional athlete to earn over a billion dollars in his career. He was also married to a supermodel. Tiger built a long list of impressive accomplishments and a deep void where his internal happiness should’ve been.
Because Tiger only focused on getting better at golf, he didn’t focus on getting better as a person. He never learned how to value relationships. He never learned what was enough. He never found internal happiness, and his life imploded.
Scott never became the best golfer in the world, but he’s still an enormous professional success by any measure. He’s living proof that external accomplishment and internal happiness can coexist. Scott became a good dad to his children and a good husband to his wife. He lived by his principles – the same principles that mattered more to him on that summer day in 1996 than upsetting Tiger to become the US Amateur Champion.
Thriving in quarantine
Now back to quarantine. Like I said, I never want it to end. I’m happier than I’ve ever been because, like Scott, I’ve learned to cultivate internal happiness.
I must admit, I’ve been lucky. The quarantine has allowed me to make changes in my life that decreased my loneliness, increased my free time, and maintained my income. But I don’t think I would be as happy as I am now if I hadn’t spent the last few years cultivating internal happiness.
James Clear has a popular saying – “The cost of your good habits is in the present. The cost of your bad habits is in the future.” Now more than ever, people are paying the price for the bad habits they built in the past. Uncurbed news addictions cause increased anxiety. A lack of at home hobbies causes a social media scrolling spiral of boredom. Lavish lifestyles financed with revolving debt quickly crumble when an income disappears.
Meanwhile, I’m reaping the benefits of the good habits I paid for in the past:
Years of early bedtimes and pre-dawn alarms helped me build an exercise habit that is part of my identity. Now in quarantine, I happily spend an hour of my day exercising my body. It passes time. It unwinds my mind. It tires me so I don’t have trouble sleeping. I built the habit over years, and it’s paying dividends in internal happiness during this troubled time.
My girlfriend and I spent years getting to know each other and working on our relationship. We read The Five Love Languages to understand how to make one another happy. We found hobbies we enjoy doing together – exercise, cooking, crossword puzzles, long walks, and golf. And we support each other while working toward big goals. While quarantine might mean divorce for some couples, it’s made our relationship stronger.
I spent years building hobbies I can enjoy anywhere. Partly from a desire to save money and partly from a desire to live a simple life, I find great joy in reading books, listening to podcasts, watching educational YouTube videos, reading long form articles, and trying for the thousandth time to learn to play guitar. When I learn something interesting or get excited about a topic, I write about it. These hobbies are low cost, I can do them anywhere, they make me better, and they occupy lots of time.
I’m also content to be alone with my thoughts. Many people keep their minds and bodies busy, so they never have to be alone in thought. If you’re never forced to sit quietly and listen to your mind, it’s easy to dance around your problems like a game of musical chairs.
If you make the effort to be happy with the life you have, you won’t be faced with an uncomfortable truth when you run out of distractions from the life you resent.
How to model your life
It’s easy to find examples of people who sacrificed every aspect of their lives to achieve greatness in one domain. It’s harder to find an example of someone who achieved greatness while maintaining balance and internal happiness. I look to Ryan Holiday as a role model in this regard.
Holiday is 32 years old and is the author of eight books, several of which are best sellers. He wrote an article explaining how chasing success won’t make you happy.
“We all think some external accomplishment is going to change everything,” writes Holiday, “but it never seems to. It doesn’t change how you see yourself, it doesn’t change how you go through the world, it doesn’t change what you feel like when you wake up in the morning.”
Internal happiness comes from having a healthy body to lift you from your bed. Internal happiness comes from supporting your partner and knowing that he or she is supporting you. Internal happiness comes from knowing you won’t control every situation but knowing you will control your reaction to it.
While Holiday is content with what he’s achieved, he hasn’t stopped working. What he has stopped doing – or so he claims – is worrying about the results. He sees them as extra – as something beyond his control.
I like to think Steve Scott feels the same way. He’s not out on tour chasing a dream. He called it while he was ahead and focused on what mattered: building internal happiness.
I’d rather be Steve Scott than Tiger Woods any day. If I achieve a fraction of Ryan Holiday’s professional success, I’d be very lucky. But I’m content in knowing that I can match his internal happiness. In fact, I think I already have.
