Finding Stillness – Lessons from Ryan Holiday
I eagerly climbed the subway steps two at a time. As I reached street level, I saw the sun setting on 14th street, felt a misting rain, and heard the trademark horns and sirens of New York City.
As my feet hit the sidewalk, I did a 180 and headed toward Broadway. I made a left and walked two blocks until I saw the giant red Strand Books flags hanging above 12th and Broadway.
The Strand Bookstore is a family owned business, started in 1927 by Ben Bass. It was one of 48 bookstores located on New York City’s iconic Book Row.
Bass started the store with $600, and more than 90 years later, it's the only surviving bookstore from Book Row. It’s also still in the family. Ben’s granddaughter, Nancy, runs the business.
“The Strand is a place where books are loved and book lovers of all kind are always welcome.”
Strand Website
As I approached the store, I took a quick left into a nondescript doorway before the main entrance. I climbed three flights of stairs and pushed open an old door into the crowded landing of Strand’s Rare Book Room.
I was the sixth person to enter the landing– we were all waiting for the doors to open so we could grab a prime seat for the talk starting at 7:00.
I’d been anticipating this night for more than a month, so I made sure I got there early. Any opportunity to hear Ryan Holiday speak is worth more than the price of admission, and I wanted a front row seat.
When the doors opened, I grabbed my pre-ordered copy of Stillness is the Key from the bookstore attendant and made my way toward the front. I grabbed an aisle seat in the third row and waited anxiously for Holiday to appear.
Holiday’s talk obviously took the theme of stillness. But rather than talking specifically about his book, he spent 45 minutes sharing how he captures stillness in his day. The advice was simple, practical, and applicable for most of us.
Wake up early
Holiday said he woke up at 6am and 7am on the last two days. This doesn’t seem early to me, since I’m usually up at 5, but it’s probably earlier than many people.
In waking up early, said Holiday, you can get started on the things you want to do, not the things other people are asking you to do.
If you wake up early, those precious minutes or hours after you rise belong to you. It’s the perfect time to exercise, read, work, or reflect without interruption, and it’s crucial for stillness.
I remember two specific times when waking up early epitomized stillness.
The first was shortly after I moved to New York City. It was a summer Saturday morning, and I was catching an early train down the shore. I left my apartment shortly after sunrise and experienced a New York City that most people have never seen.
I stood in the middle of 3rd avenue looking south and couldn’t see a car for more than 20 blocks. I didn’t hear any sirens. I didn’t see any people on the sidewalks. I felt like the city belonged to me. It was an eerily peaceful feeling – one that I wouldn’t have experienced even 30 minutes later.
The second time was a hunting trip with my friend in the Catskills. We woke more than an hour before sunrise on a cold November morning. We piled on our layers of camouflage and Thinsulate, loaded our guns, and climbed into his truck. We drove miles down a dirt road through heavy snowflakes until the road ended.
We hopped out of the truck, flicked on our flashlights, and headed our separate ways into the pitch-black woods. I settled myself against the base of a tree, slung my rife across my lap, and waited.
It was pure silence like I’d never heard before. Minute by minute, the forest began to come alive as the sun’s gentle rays peeked over the horizon. This experience was stillness in every sense of the word. The only movement was the snowflakes flitting between branches. The only sound was the wind softly rustling the pine needles.
The moment was perfection. Early morning stillness.
Strenuous, solitary exercise
Holiday’s preferred exercise is a long run or a swim. He used to do Crossfit, and said he liked it, but it was too collaborative – too much interaction.
Running allows you to escape into your own mind. No talking, no counting, but plenty of time for introspection.
Swimming, he said, is even better. It’s immersive. There’s no music. Just the water and your thoughts.
I spent a lot of time running and swimming this past year while training for a half ironman, and I had similar experiences.
A long run is the best way I’ve found to clear my head. It pushes my body to the edge of its comfort zone and helps my mind focus and think. Some of my best writing happens after a long run. Sometimes I’ll even write a draft in my notes app so I don’t forget my thoughts.
Nothing highlights the stillness inducing benefits of exercise like not exercising. More than one day without a workout and I start to feel antsy, anxious, and irritable.
Strenuous exercise tires the body, calms the mind, and contributes to stillness.
Minimize phone time
Holiday spends the first 30 to 60 minutes of every day sans cell phone. He admitted this was a hard habit to form, but he started with ten minutes and gradually worked his way up.
On weekends, he said he commonly won’t pickup his phone until noon.
What are the benefits?
Just like getting up early, by not looking at your phone, you start the day without any intrusions.
How many times have you received a work email that put you on the defensive?
A text message that annoyed you?
A Facebook notification that boiled your blood?
You have plenty of time in your day to be reactive. The morning is for being proactive. It is your time to be alone and be still.
By scrolling your notifications before getting out of bed, you’re making it nearly impossible to start the day with stillness.
Holiday’s talk wasn’t the first time I’d heard this advice. Several months ago, I was discussing phone use with two of my friends, and they both mentioned they have a no phones in the bedroom rule with their spouses.
They both emphasized the immense positive impact of this rule on their relationships.
During the Q&A, a man about my age wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt raised his hand. In a heavy British accent, he asked, “Ryan, how do you put the no phone rule into practice without pissing people off?”
Holiday looked slightly confused and replied with a question of his own. “What do you mean?”
“Hasn’t there ever been a time when you finally picked up your phone to find an angry text message from someone who needed to contact you?” the man asked.
Holiday thought for a moment, then replied,“That’s literally never happened.”
The audience could tell he was racking his brain trying to think of an example, but then he repeated, “No. That’s literally never been an issue.”
Holiday elaborated: “So I got to it an hour later. Who cares? Ten years ago that would've been totally normal. And 100 years ago they would have had to write me a letter, and the letter might've taken weeks to arrive.”
While technology is great for many things, being in constant contact has caused us to think of availability as a requirement, not a bonus. But it's a self-imposed burden.
Few situations require an immediate response, and making ourselves constantly available is an anxiety inducing practice. It’s a net negative.
Stepping away from your phone periodically, especially first thing in the morning, will yield tremendous benefits. If you try it for a few days, I think you’ll also find it presents no issues.
Journaling
Holiday said he spends time journaling every day. In addition to his Daily Stoic Journal, he uses the one line a day journal. Every morning, he writes one line about something that happened on the previous day.
He’s been doing the one line a day journal for three years and said it’s fun to see how things develop from year to year –or how they stay the same.
Reflection is part of stillness. Putting your reflections, however brief, into writing in a central location helps make them cohesive and useful.
Creative Practice
Holiday’s creative practice is writing, and he aims for one hour every morning. If he can go longer, he’ll continue until the point of diminishing returns.
This daily discipline and consistency has translated into nine books by the age of 32. He always has a book in the pipeline, and he always delivers because he chips away a little bit every day.
Less than 18 months ago, I was sitting in the same seat in the Strand Rare Book Room listening to Holiday deliver a different talk for the release of his book, Conspiracy.
Part of the reason Holiday is always working on his next book is to hedge against failure on the downside and success on the upside.
If Stillness is the Key turns out to be a total flop – oh well, he’s already working on the next one, so he doesn’t have time to dwell on it. If it turns out to be a smashing success – that’s great, but he’s already working on the next one, so he doesn’t have time to get a swollen head.
Holiday’s advice for writers was in true high achiever fashion: “You don’t think about publishing, you think about the process.”
Chances are, you’re not engaged in any creative practice. That’s fine. I would also wager that you probably go to work every morning and have some (or many) tasks to complete throughout the day.
Treat your tasks like Holiday treats his creative practice. Sit down and dedicate an uninterrupted hour to knocking out the things you need to do. If you can do this every day, you’ll achieve results similar to Holiday’s nine books by 32.
It’s all about consistency, discipline, and process - accompanied by stillness.
Reading
Holiday doesn’t schedule time for reading. But he always has a book with him and fills in the cracks of the day with a page here and there.
The time most people spend scrolling Instagram or Twitter, Holiday spends with his nose in a book.
He doesn’t even have Instagram or Twitter on his phone. He made a point of saying that technology is great, but you have to make sure you are using technology and it isn’t using you.
Here’s a fun exercise: check the weekly screen time report on your phone. If you substituted the time you spent on social media apps for time spent reading a book, how many books could you read this year?
I think the answer will scare you.
Holiday also made a prediction: He said we will look back on the way we’ve allowed children to use social media similarly to how we look back on the way we allowed children to smoke cigarettes 60 years ago.
That’s something to think about.
Go for a walk
Walking is good exercise, but it’s even better for your mind. Holiday takes a walk every day, often while pushing his son in a stroller.
Time in nature is restorative for your body and your mind. Sunshine, fresh air, and isolation are all good for the soul.
Holiday acknowledged that not everyone can find time for solitary strolls through the woods. As an alternative, he suggested taking work calls while walking. It doesn’t check the isolation box, but time in nature on the phone beats time at a desk.
Don’t watch the news
Holiday and I have similar opinions on the news, as I’ve written about before, so this was my favorite part of the talk.
Some excellent news related takeaways:
You would think the purpose of the news is to become informed. In reality, the purpose of the news is not to inform you but to get you to watch more news.
News is typically worth what you pay for it – nothing.
Regardless of what you think about Donald Trump, or anything else happening in the news, your opinion has no impact on the outcome. So rather than following along minute by minute and getting mad, you can just check in at the end and see what happened. It’s gonna go where it’s gonna go.
All valid points. The news is bullshit. You should stop watching it.
Go and be still
I sat in the audience, taking notes and hanging on every word, because I’ve followed Holiday’s work for years, and it’s been very impactful on my life.
I told him as much when he signed my book and stood for a picture with me.
You may not find the advice as riveting if you aren’t a fan. But if you pick even one of the points above and start working on it, I know you’ll see a positive impact on your life.
During the Q&A, a gentleman in the back of the room asked a pointed question.
“Stillness seems easier to achieve for somebody like you who doesn’t have to go to a 9 to 5 every day,” he said. “What’s your advice for normal people to implement these skills?”
“I don’t mean to be glib,” replied Holiday, “But if you want to do the things that are important, you’ll find the time. People have done much more impressive things from much less enviable circumstances.”
