Why You Shouldn’t Give a F*ck What Other People Think
When you make a decision, what questions do you ask yourself?
How does this benefit me?
How might this hurt me?
How might this decision affect others?
What will other people think about this decision?
That seems like a logical train of thought. It’s how I make my decisions, at least until recently.
I’m not sure exactly what changed. Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s confidence, maybe I’m just a dick. But recently, I decided to stop caring what other people think about my decisions.
The outcome has been great, and I determined this is a key personality trait for success. Here are a few specific examples to illustrate my point.
Running in a bathing suit
As I mentioned before, I’m training for a half Ironman. Twice every week, I hit the gym before and after work. On those days, I swim in the morning and run in the evening.
The lifeguards at my pool treat work as more of an option than an obligation. This means sometimes I show up to a pool that is closed, potentially disrupting my workout routine.
The first time this happened, I wasn’t prepared to do anything besides swim, so I just went home. I was pissed off because it meant losing a workout for the day.
Going forward, I took accountability and made sure I was always prepared to do a backup workout if the pool was closed.
The next time I showed up to a closed pool, I had my running sneakers with me, but in my early morning fog, I forgot to pack running shorts.
I stood in the gym lobby looking at a fork in the road:
I can go home because I’m going to look like a total jackass running in a bathing suit; OR
I can go get on the treadmill and run four miles in this bathing suit, like a boss.
I chose the second option.
Allowing embarrassment to win meant missing a workout, and that hurt nobody but me.
Going home instead of getting on the treadmill would’ve been nothing but an excuse, a terrible cop out that would’ve bothered me the rest of the day.
As it turns out, most people at the gym at 6am keep their head down and workout. They don’t care about the maniac on the treadmill in his swim suit.
Caring what other people think allows them to live rent free inside your head. That’s an expensive price to pay for an outcome with no benefit.
Eating chili for 5 straight days
I do my best to prep all my lunches for the week on Sunday. Since I’m not very creative, this usually means cooking one huge meal and packing it into five Tupperware containers.
One of my go-to meals, especially in the winter, is chili. It’s quick, easy, healthy, and I don’t get sick of it.
When I break out my lunch on Monday, I usually have a couple co-workers say something like, “Ooo chili? That looks good. Did you make it?”
By Wednesday, the comments are more like, “Chili? Again? Don’t you get tired of it?”
On Friday, forget it. “You’re seriously still eating chili? Do you have a 5-gallon bucket of chili at home? That can’t be healthy.”
I just smile and laugh to myself as I see them coming back with a $15 dollar salad from Chop’t or a grease soaked paper bag filled with fried food.
If I cared what other people thought, I would probably be too embarrassed to eat the same boring chili five days in a row.
But since I could not give one fuck less about the trivial opinions of others, I benefit in several ways:
I save money – my lunch for the week costs at least 50% less than someone who eats out every day.
I eat a healthy, balanced meal – I make my chili with low fat turkey, I drain the excess fat, and I add A TON of vegetables. Good luck finding a fast food lunch with better nutritional value.
I save brain power – By prepping my meals on Sunday, I’ve turned five decisions into one decision. This might sound small, but decision fatigue is a proven problem. You shouldn’t waste your decision making power on figuring out what to shove down your gullet at lunch time.
As a quick aside, avoiding decision fatigue is key to maintaining high levels of self-control. According to a NYT piece, this is one of the most important things you should remember about decision making and self-control:
“People with the best self-control are the ones who structure their lives so as to conserve willpower. They don’t schedule endless back-to-back meetings. They avoid temptations like all-you-can-eat buffets, and they establish habits that eliminate the mental effort of making choices. Instead of deciding every morning whether or not to force themselves to exercise, they set up regular appointments to work out with a friend. Instead of counting on willpower to remain robust all day, they conserve it so that it’s available for emergencies and important decisions.”
Now back to my shenanigans.
Not watching the Fyre documentaries
When the Netflix documentary on Fyre Festival came out in January, all my co-workers were talking about it non-stop.
They kept insisting that I had to watch it. They were talking about every detail, from how the organizer was a sociopath, to Andy King, the guy who was willing to go the extra mile to ensure everyone had water.
I kept saying, “yeah maybe I’ll check it out tonight.” But I had no intention of spending an hour and a half watching a documentary about a bunch of rich assholes getting duped.
It gets better. Hulu released a documentary about the same thing on the same day. And some of my co-workers watched that one too!
After three days of office discussions, I could basically tell you what happened from beginning to end.
I wasted zero minutes of my time watching this trending nonsense, but I understood every meme and every joke my co-workers made.
This is exactly the same reason I watch/read almost no news. The important stuff comes out in your daily interactions. Then you can go learn more if you want. This approach is an easy way to filter the bull shit from the important – and most of it is bull shit.
After a week or so, the “I can’t believe you haven’t seen the Fyre documentaries!” comments died out.
I spent that three hours doing something useful – exercising, or reading, or maybe writing. I don’t remember exactly, but I didn’t waste it on the couch, consuming brain junk food, and sliding towards The Complacency Vortex.
"If others heard me talking [to myself] out loud they would think that I am crazy. But since I am not crazy, I do not care."
Ernest Hemingway in The Old Man and the Sea
To be clear, most of my co-workers are intelligent, motivated, and hardworking people. I don’t mean to put them down. I just use them as an example to show a difference in approach and priorities.
Just like last week, when I talked about asking for discounts, not caring what people think can be uncomfortable.
It takes practice.
But the discomfort is worth the outcome.
You stand to gain far more than you could lose.
